Some days ago I was deeply surprised by my son saying “you’re the best, daddy”.
I had just showered him and changed him into his pjs. Completely spontaneously, he uttered those words. I didn’t teach him that or coaxed it out.
Through the last few years, I have struggled with many losses. Though I know the right way to think, doubt often comes and clouds my mind.
Having cancer felt like God ambushed me around the corner with a baseball bat, and stomped on me repeatedly while I was down.
It was very hard to get up. Besides my health, the brakes were applied to my career. I know its unavoidable, but I still feel envious of my peers who are directors and team leaders at my age. They travel business class, have nice offices, and have teams of people at their beck and call. For a long time, I had believed I was entitled to the same things. It’s not a realistic expectation, but there it is.
At the same time, I recognise that I’m lucky. I generally don’t have real money worries, I can spend my time as I please, and I believe I’m doing what I want to do. I can be there for my family. In many ways, the same people who I envy can be jealous of my lifestyle themselves.
But I lose sight of the blessings I do have sometimes, and still needlessly compare myself. I still need some detoxification from working world thinking, which I was immersed in for about 10 years.
So its always good to have a reminder that at least one person thinks I’m the best. Someone who is deeply important, and who’s opinion is everything in the world.